| my feelings lately |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|11:20 pm] |
i bet you wouldnt believe me if i told you how i felt
i know you wouldnt care
and i wonder sometimes if my feelings are real to you
does the fact i put up with it mean its my fault?
i let you rip me to shreds while i build you up
i cant stop it
im still willing to settle for less than i deserve
because i dont hold out a hope for what ive earned
sometimes i cant bare to get out of bed because i kno i wont see you today
or maybe because i kno i will
im tired of you making excuses
arent i making up enough of them for you?
every disgression forgiven no matter how grand
and try as i might to hold on
as much as i fight to keep you in my heart
little by little you are etching yourself from my life
i am not leaving you
but youve become so scarce
that i had a life changing thought
i can live without you |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2005|11:30 am] |
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Oh lord where to even begin. First of all I should be writing more becuz im about to go get a new computer. second off, IM IN FREAKIN COLLEGE! I know i never thought the day would come either. but here it is. im working and attending college. and for now its all good. and in order for it to stay all good i have no personal time but thats ok too. cuz my personal life is normall sucky anyway. regina has pretty much moved out, i think shes gone for good but lindsey doesnt. -shrug- maybe shes naive, maybe im pessimistic. im taking smart girl classes lol. intro to philosophy, chem, chem lab, economics, and statistics. see told you! yay for life being good. i should prolly hurry off to best buy now. i will be around here later. |
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| Confessions-Friends Only |
[May. 1st, 2005|10:02 pm] |
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These are my confessions.
I confess that I am a broken, bitter, and damaged goods
I confess that I am heart broken but healing
I confess that I hurt other people everyday, whether I realize it or not
I confess that I sell drugs, and am a pothead
I confess that I cannot sing to save my life, but it doesn't matter when it comes to 80s music
I confess that I am not as happy with my body as I would like to be, but on good days we get along
I confess that I love women, but sometimes I think its easier for the breeders
I confess that I have lied to and cheated on every girl I've ever been with
I confess that I am sorry for every single time I did either of those things
I confess that I am charming, sweet talking, and romantic
I confess that there is no one else like me
I confess that I am intelligent, but quite lazy
I confess that I have done too many things too count that I am ashamed of
I confess that I am am a southern belle, but a lot more liberal than your average AL girl
I confess that I would give it all up, all these problems, all this insanity, anything that was asked of me,
For the right woman
Those are my confessions. Leave me one of yours and maybe I'll add you. |
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| ugh |
[Mar. 5th, 2005|12:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
well yanno last time she seemed so sad when we called it quits, now its like she doesnt even care. prolly cuz she doesnt. and now i know that she isnt in love with me and hasnt been for some time. but its ok. ill get over it, in fact it will be easier knowing she really doesnt care. im just gunna stay away from her for a while, another thing that will make it easier on me |
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| eh |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|04:16 pm] |
well i worked my ass off and on to make this thing all private, well forget it, im gunna eventually have it all public (atleast thats what i wanna do today) cuz this is me, for better for worse. this my soul bared. besides its not like i dont have a private journal lol. leanns at work right now, i totally caved on making her leave. why? cuz im still in love, and dont wanna lose her, it seems like it always sticks when she breaks up with me, but when i tell her its over, it always seems like it never sticks. i dunno im high and horny, so im screwed. im just so confused with the way things are goin. i never know what to do, i just need to get all healed up first, before i do anything.
20 days and counting |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2004|11:18 am] |
458-8699?
if thats your number, then who the hell are you. you left a message on my phone, just a song, no name no nothing. who are you? |
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| back and better than ever |
[Apr. 23rd, 2004|04:32 pm] |
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well i know i havent written in a long time but things have finally settled down perhaps too much so. i dont have a job, im not going to school really. but i am going to start goin again in august cuz i have to go atleast 20 hours a week and im not gettin that at ehs. and leann tells me 'you don't need a job' well yeah actually i do, cuz i have to pay for my car insurance and whatnot so yeah.i honestly dont know what im gunna do, im engaged! like really engaged. im waiting for leann to get me the ring but like i told her i dont need a piece of jewelry to kno im gunna spend the rest of my life with her. besides i kno if i wait i get a bigger rock haha. and this journal is now public again, and im gunna slowly start updating it and such. trying to make all entries publicyanno.ive been drunk a good bit lately. and we have a party to go to tonite, so most likely ill come home drunk tonite, no wait megan wont let us leave the party drunk so most likely ill just come home late tomorrow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 18th, 2003|02:21 am] |
scream
laugh
promise you
glow
im in love with you
you
you
you
angels |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 17th, 2003|08:01 am] |
1. I am happiest when: it used to be with my horse but i had to sell off the only thing that has truly loved me
2. I feel lonely when: im breathing
3. The ideal relationship would be: there is no ideal, you just meet the right person and bam its forever, yes even as cynical as i am i believe that
4. Favorite movie: but im a cheerleader
5. Favorite author: marquis de sade
7. Introvert or extrovert? introvert
8. Do you think too much? oh god yes
9. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? canada
10. A famous person you would like to meet: hitler
11. Do you believe in organized religion? no
12. Pro-life or pro-choice? pro-choice
13. Are you a vegetarian? not at all
14. Do you support the death penalty? yes
15. Do angels or demons exist? im not really sure
16. What would you most like to be doing right now? a few things
17. Do you have any regrets? i always tried to live my life where i had none, but i had the whole one that got away thing, im sad i let her go but i learned from it, so no i dont
18. Sex or love? sex and what people think is love are easy to find. true love? now thats hard, but its what i pick
19. Favorite coffee: mocha
20. Brand of cigarettes: marlboro red 100s
21. Favorite scent: i love the calgon in the rain body mist, and on butch chicks the adidias for men, especially the deodorant, oh god hold me back
22. What REALLY makes you mad? dumb people
23. Favorite way to waste time: drugs
24. If you won $50,000,000 what would you do with it? follow ani difranco around the world
25. Are you a thinker or a feeler? way too much of both
26. What is your best quality? my eyes?
27. Are you currently in love/lust? lets not open that can of worms at this time, and yes im fucking someone
28. What's the craziest thing you have ever done? too many things
29. What are your pet peeves? ignorant people
30. Any bad habits? im a whore, i make messes and hate cleaning them up[literally and figuratively], im manipulative, im a sweet talker
31. Do you find it hard to trust people? i always trust the wrong ones and doubt the right ones
32. Do you ever doubt yourself? hindsight is 20/20 but i always do a lot of second guessing before i make my decision, which i need to stop
33. Last book you read: rose red
34. Last thing you bought for yourself? with my money it would be gas, with my moms food at burger king this morning
33. Bath or shower? it all depends but most likely shower
34. Favorite season: fall
35. Porn or erotica? thats a hard one
36. What is your favorite flavor? mint?
37. What is your favorite time of day? when im sleeping, but sunset is rather pretty
38. Gold or silver? i prefer white gold, i dont like the whole gold look
39. What is the lamest pickup line someone has used on you? I try to block those out.
40. Silk sheets or cotton? silk
41. Any secret crushes? not really
42. Do you ever feel you are insane? yes and im told it often as well
43. Favorite style of music: oh geez, grrl rock?
44. Favorite film genere: indie
45. If you could be the opposite sex for one day would you do it? yeah
46. What do you desire most in life? security aka a family and financial stability
47. Do you believe in destiny? usually
48. Is world peace attainable? only if gays ran the world
49. City or country? thats a hard one i crave a bit of both
50. Are you as bored as I am? im not sure |
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bleedmewet's journal
